Ft. Worth to Glorieta, NM
636.3 Miles/134 Songs
Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds – The Lyre of Orpheus
Belle & Sebastian – Push Doorman to Open Old Wounds (Disc 2)
Jeff Buckley – Grace
Madonna – Madonna
Iron & Wine – The Shepherd’s Dog
Wilson Pickett – Don’t Knock My Love
12:38 pm - Chillicothe, Tx
I’m hoping lunch will help prepare me for what’s to come—the arduous journey through the desolate waste of the Texas panhandle. Stretches of vast nothingness, interrupted occasionally by the pockmark towns that serve as speed traps for tourists and truckers. It always makes me feel lonely, especially when I’m driving alone, as I am now. I try to imagine the people who live here. Why are they here? Why haven’t they left like everyone else? How do they cope with the immeasurable loneliness? How could they ever expect to find love way out here?
“I’ve heard of pious men
And I’ve heard of dirty fiends
But you don’t often hear
Of us ones in between”
“Us Ones in Between” – Sunset Rubdown
I stop for lunch in Chillicothe, pockmark #3. I pull in at a Dairy Queen but notice Love’s BBQ & Steakhouse next door. A bit riskier perhaps, but that’s sort of what this trip is about, so I leave my car parked in the DQ parking lot and walk next door, looking for Love, and maybe some answers to my questions.
9:43 pm - Glorieta, NM
Church camp. It’s been ten years since I was here. And I remember feeling much the same way these kids do now. I look around and I see eyes closed, hands raised, souls held captive by the emotional sway, and I wonder how and when I became so cynical. Ten years ago I was swept away in the tide of holy fervor; tonight, I’m the only one with his hands in his pockets. Ten years ago I swore to God Almighty that I would repent of my evil and negligent ways and never again drink or smoke the devil’s putrefaction. My promise lasted six years. Not real sure what’s significant about six years. Maybe that’s about the time the cynicism kicked in.
As I look around at these eyeless faces, I wonder how long it will take the cynicism to work on them. Six years? Ten years? Kids today are sharp; maybe it will take less time. I hope it takes longer. I hope they can remain blissfully unaware. Cynicism is lonely—lonely as hell.
“Ain’t a penthouse Christian wants the pain of a scab,
But they all want the scar.”
"Innocent Bones" - Iron & Wine
1 comment:
I remember that night!! Glorietta was awesome, but like you hinted at, a lot of it was simply emotions. That said, I do like to think that it served a great purpose in my life and in your's, whether it was purely emotional or not. I've never been as proud of someone (that isn't in my immediate family) as I was of you that night at Glorietta. A lot has changed since then, but maybe not as much as it seems. I'm still Matt, a tall, goofy, slightly overweight guy who wants to excel at everything, but without having to put in the amount of work it may require. I want everyone to like me, and I want to please everyone. You're still Aaron, Big A, my slightly older cousin that was always the best at everything he did. Whether it was sports, drama, music, or whatever, Aaron was always the lead guy, and I always looked up to you. That night was the first time that I saw someone (you) truly confess something publically that wasn't easy or convenient, but rather something that was hard, embarrassing, and life-changing. That was the first time I ever cried for something happening to someone else. You showed me that night that I don't always have to take the easy route, that I could take a stand for God no matter the costs. Anyway, I didn't mean to type my own freaking blog here, just wanted to encourage you a little bit. I hope you and Jordan are having an awesome time, and I gotta admit that I'm a little jealous of y'all. Maybe me, Andrew, and Jason can do something similar once Jason graduates.....I dunno. Sounds awesome though.
Last thing, since we're talking about Glorietta, a few more memories.
- "Big gulps huh....welp, see ya later!"
- "That's just a little game I like to play"
- Remember putting the lunch trays in sideways and watching the whole cafeteria jump when it hit the wall?
Eh, whatever.....y'all stay safe and I can't wait to hear more about the trip. Talk to you soon!!
Matt
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